Lindsay Lohan's Camp Cooking Birthday Party
by Jason Simas
Celebrity culture offers so many delightful morsels of absurdity that only the most cynical of intellectual snobs or the dullest of the herd would not be pleased by the fantastic pschosyllabic charade saturating the American existential landscape. While Paris approaches freedom with whatever strand of dignity she can muster, Lindsay Lohan clumsily zigs and zags toward her 21st birthday. Lohan is the first true 21st century starlet, a kind of turbo-charged Greta Garbo for the digital age where history and the unchartered future collide in a single body of 0s and 1s. We know her in bytes, some more endearing than others, and we are watching as if at a bullfight. And Americans don't even go to bullfights. So when Lindsay showed up at our ultimate camp cooking camp kitchen where delicious gourmet camp cooking was in full swing, to celebrate her 21st birthday no less, we were stunned and naturally giddy as school children. While our camp kitchen is stocked with all the camp kitchenware necessary to impress, we were certainly no Vegas five star hotel and club. Perfect, she tells us, for avoiding the spotlight. No one would ever expect Lindsay to drop the flashy facade and hard partying for a weekend in the woods with funny comedians cooking up a storm for all the campers and wildlife within hiking distance, but she did. We offered her a million dollars for the rights to film it, though we told her that we would have to pay her with the money made from the distribution rights. She laughed and said she didn't really need the money and that she'd rather keep the whole thing a private affair. She is tired of being the center of everybody's attention. Couldn't she just turn 21 in the forest? Surrounded by nature, by good people, simple people like herself. She is just an actress, she reminded us. Not a goddess, not a hero. Not even a very good actress, she whispered in a moment of self-deprecation. We need Lindsay Lohan because, like the mountains, she is there. Would we be better off without the Rockies? The Sierras? Obviously not. The same goes for Mt. Lohan. To have such an illuminary join us for the ultimate camp cooking experience means so much to us. We are a refuge from the societal cacophony, a place for celebrities and commoners alike to drop all their pretenses and guards, and to join together in laughter and good food, the shared moments that unite and bind us as a people. Lindsay shared her favorite outdoor Dutch Oven recipe with us, and we are in negotiations now to release it to the general public. Her agent is really being tough with us on one of the deal points, but we feel confident the issues can be resolved and the recipe release can move forward. We are shopping the Lindsay Lohan Recipe Release Party at one of the casinos in Las Vegas, but so far they are asking for too much money and control over the party. It is a lot more difficult to put these kinds of projects together than it appears! Camp Cooking with comedians is a great to spend a 21st birthday party, Lohan was quoted as saying in the New York Post. Camp Cooking with comedians is a great way to spend any day at any time, that's what America is finding out.
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